Illness Idiots
by Yangry
Summary: *After Chapter Three* Miu's past coma makes an unwelcome comeback here and there, while Kaito's condition worsens. It's kind of deranged, but Kaito and Miu are grateful that the other is sick so they don't have to deal with it alone. A "what if" scenario, where Miu's previous coma has plot relevance. Note: rated M for Miu's dirty mouth (and Kaito)


AU where Miu's coma actually has plot relevance, kind of like Kaito's mysterious illness. Takes place after chapter 3.

The walk back to their rooms was silent. Korekiyo's execution was still a fresh and particularly awful memory, even if he was a literal fucking _serial killer_.

The short journey back was when Miu noticed it. At first she just felt tired, which she dismissed as something like, "nothing says 'long day' more than three people getting absolutely fucked up and 10 minutes of shitty waterworks!" But by the time Big Dick had carried the loli back to her room and the general group dispersed, it was fucking _ridiculously_ hard for her to walk (not in a "I just got railed" kinda way, but a bad kinda way).

She opened her door, closed it, was so wrecked that she didn't bother to lock it, and finally collapsed half on the bed, half on the floor. _Oh well, _she thought_. I've fallen asleep in worse positions before... _she thinks it almost looks like she's praying or something. How fucking ironic. She doesn't feel tired anymore when she starts to pass out, just confused and weak. She doesn't sleep much, but it wasn't like this last time, was it? Her eyelids are being absolute fucking _pricks_ and she can't keep them open. Her mind protests further but it's not like she can move or anything. Then, it stops.

The dining hall was a downer, to say the least. With three more people gone, two of which were pretty talkative, plus Miu who wasn't there for some reason, Kaito felt the need to try and cheer everyone up. But that's a lot easier said than done when you're about to cough out a lung. He suppresses the urge to cough as much as he can and he pleasantly surprises himself when he comes up with a genuine excuse to leave.

"Hey guys, I know Miu's interesting and all but she usually comes to breakfast. I'm gonna go check on her." Kaito stands up and receives a nod from his sidekick (Shuichi) that it's a good idea. As he's about to leave, Kokichi pounces on the chance to cause more unease.

"Ohh, I wonder if someone finally killed that mistake!" He says, with that shit-eating grin of his.

Kaito would _love _to shut Kokichi up but he knows he doesn't have that much time. Instead, he just shakes his head and slips out of the dining hall and jogs outside. _Good going dumbass_, _that was super weird!_ As if to distract him from his thoughts, he starts hacking. It feels like his throat is tearing in two, as if it might burst open at any second.

"Goddamnit..." His right hand is soaking in blood and it's dripping down his chin mercilessly. He spits the rest of the blood in the grass, wipes his chin on the inside part of his sleeve, and goes to his room to wash his hands. He enters his room and goes straight to the bathroom. He opens his mouth, even though he already knows what it's gonna look like. His teeth are stained bright pink. He sighs and rinses his mouth out with water, too.

_This fucking illness, man. It just popped up out of nowhere._ Yeah, he was coughing a bit before, but he didn't cough actual blood. And his coughing spouts were becoming way more frequent. It was getting harder and harder to predict how bad he was gonna be each day. And it's not like he could hold it off with sheer willpower alone.

_I'm Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars... I can do this for a bit longer._

On the bright side, somehow he didn't get any _noticeable_ blood stains on his shirt. The blood seeped through the white fabric but he could just keep his right arm by his side so no one would notice. Still... he decides to change his shirt. On the shitty side, now he had to go talk to Miu. He figures he should get it over with now because everyone is already expecting him to talk to her and drag her ass to the dining hall.

Begrudgingly, he leaves his room. In a couple of steps he's at her door. Preparing himself for whatever shit might spew out of her mouth, he rings the door bell. He rings it again after counting to 30. Again after counting another 30.

"The hell...?"

If there was one thing he knew about Miu Iruma, it was that she _hated_ sleeping. She hated it because she thought it was unproductive and stupid. He stares at the doorknob for a bit and eventually decides to try opening it, even though it should DEFINITELY be locked-

The doorknob turns easily and before he actually opens the door he briefly wonders how he even fucking got in this situation. What if Miu is just being the perverted ass she is? What if-

He takes a deep breath and steels himself against whatever the fuck is behind it.

"_Is she praying, or is she dead?" _Are his first two thoughts, as strange as they are. Her knees are on the floor, leaning against the bed. Her upper half is on top of the bed. There's no blood or anything but it still seems out of character for her to be... praying.

Not knowing what else to do, he shouts at her to wake up. After that inevitably fails, he grabs her shoulder and shakes her awake. After a wholeass 5 seconds, she finally stirs.

Kaito instinctively takes a step back before she totally wakes up. If there's anything he's learned, it's that people are fucking scary when they get woken up. But if that's added to Miu whom already loathes sleeping? Yeah, he was backing up.

"Hey? Miu? You there?" He tries not to raise his voice too much, he'd rather not scare the shit out of her.

Her reply is slow and slurred, and frankly a little concerning.

"Fuccikkg... Dickcheese. W-Why are you here?" Miu tries to stand up, using her bed as support, but her knees buckle and she ends up ass down on the floor. "Fuck... not now." Miu's face contorts into disbelief.

Kaito is about to ask her what the fuck is going on, but then his lung wants to pop outta his chest. _Not now._ In any other circumstance, he would've scrambled out the door, but because Miu is clearly not okay, he opts to turn around and cough into his sleeve. Oh, his poor jacket.

By the time he's done hacking, his entire right sleeve his soaked with blood, and it's dripping onto the floor. Sighing, he turns around to face Miu. _God_, he thinks. _I must look pathetic. _

He's not sure if it's her expression of worry, or maybe even a twinge of amusement, but he wants to laugh knowing that something is clearly VERY wrong with the both of them. Miu seems to understand that sentiment, too.

From the floor, she looks up at him with a dumb grin. "Okay so," she pauses. "Who wants to go first?"

Not really sure if this is supposed to be a one-shot or not. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Kaito and Miu are so much fun to write bc they're both chaotic dumbasses.


End file.
